I Am Not a Leader

My employer doesn’t think I am a leader; hell, they won’t even talk to me about leadership. I’ve given up even applying for jobs as courtesy interviews aren’t even available to me. That is how little my employers think of my leadership skills.

I’ve given a lot of consideration to my Toastmasters career. I decided to do what I always shy away from . . . I stated that I was interested in being president of my home club for next year. I did so after the Division Governor and two Area Governors each asked me individually to be an area governor next year. I informed each that I didn’t think one was supposed to fill that role until he served as club president.

I let the past president of our club know I was interested. Tonight she asked if I would serve as VP Education. I said I would. I then left the meeting without hanging around to chit chat afterward. It is apparent that even my local club doesn’t see the leadership capabilities it needs to lead the club.

It’s minor. I recognize that. Nevertheless, I am disappointed. Serving as VPE satisfies Toastmasters desire prior to serving as an area governor. My progress will not be stunted because of this. And three powerful people had asked me to lead the area so I have that going for me. But it is a sleight. That much is clear.

Many folks consider VPE the most difficult position, even more so than president. I know it’s not easy. I know I’ll be a good person for this position. The current VPE I believe was asked to serve as president. If he wasn’t, I don’t know who is. If he wanted to be president to get his leadership stuff, there’s a lot to be said for moving him up and me as VPE. But it is still a sleight.

Whatever I display to the outside world is not what I want it to be, apparently. Walking to the Jeep, I muttered to myself a known truth: I am alone in this world. I cannot count on others save my family. Family is always there. My employers don’t matter and change/will be forgotten. The fellow Toastmasters are the same way; we share an hour+ together every couple weeks. Some will remain, some will move on. None are my friends.

I am not sulking. I recognize who I am. If I am not the leader I was hopeful to be, that frees up time for other things. My mind is turning; perhaps DTM isn’t the goal I seek . . .

Also blogged on this date . . .

One thought on “I Am Not a Leader”

  1. Oh, there’s a lot in this post. Yup, by this time I had accepted I was remaining in the classroom for the balance of my career. A decade later, I’m still in the classroom.

    Yes, I felt sleighted by not being president. I worked my butt off as VPE. The president, Bruce Cooper, was absent from half the meetings as he began his term on Millville’s Zoning Board. He did absolutely nothing, but everyone loved him. Yup, we made Presdient’s Distinguished that year. I take great pride in that for I know how it happened. When I eventually got my shot at president, everyone quit the club . . . including me. 🙂

    As I was to learn later, family isn’t always there for me. I was resoundly kicked to the curb by that family that “is always there.”

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