The 1970s was dubbed as the Me decade. That is the decade I grew up in. There were things we did as children that were designed to draw attention to ourselves.
I hang with children daily. The Look At Me syndrome is on steroids these days.
Children are no longer humble in the presence of adults. Students constantly tell me how awesome they are. While cute, it is disturbing as well.
I watched one of my students’ baseball games last week. Another player on his team caught a line drive. Given how the team was playing, that it was caught was indeed approaching miraculous. The celebration that occurred after the catch rivaled winning the Super Bowl. I was reminded of Joe Paterno’s mantra, “Act like you done this before.” He did not.
I attended another game last evening of a different student. He had told me he was #9. There was no #9, so I thought he was riding the bench. As I got acclimated, I watched #1 bat. He struck out. Afterward, #1 pounded the plate, stomped off, cried, and otherwise showed up the ump. He should have been ejected right then. #1 then took the field. He was still pouting. Turns out #1 was my student.
Later, when he saw me he was all smiles and was showboating in the field. Despite that, he missed a ball and thre wildly home on a play. But he showed his swagger after each inning.
Children are no longer seen and not heard. That may be good in some respects, but in the respect department, it is sad.
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Poet’s Tale
For much of my adult life I believe I searched for ways in which to control my world. I have been demanding in the classroom, strict as a parent, and uber-logical as a spouse.
None of those approaches have worked well for me. At no point, I suspect, was I ever in control.
Dumped, rejected, and otherwise isolated, I realize that I cannot control much. The more I explore that notion and relnquish to my powerlessness, the more at peace I am.
I’ve let go of so much, there’s not much remaining to even attempt to control even if I wanted to.
When it’s raining, let it rain.
Haters gonna hate.
Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.
And I am smiling so much these days. There’s no reason not to. It is something I can actually control. Doesn’t that pair with the advice of we can’t control what happens, but we can control our reaction to it?
I got to hold Coby the other day. I still have that loving moment with me.
Hell, I don’t even need a brolly . . . bask in the rain. Permagrin planted.
No matter how old I become, I am a work in progress.
Some lessons I need to relearn. Some are constant struggles.
I recognize I’ve been here before. I still need to change. Perhaps it will stick this time. I am ready to embrace it. I need to exude my happy.
Everyone seems to perceive me as a dour, moody chap who is always down. Perhaps some of that is my own projection. Yet, I do not perceive myself as such.
Why can’t I walk around with a permasmile on my face? Why am I routinely interjecting a wry, negative sleight in an attempt to be witty?
Release my happy!
I am getting better. I think it is that mantra of living an intentional life. Being aware of one’s surroundings. I am finding moments when things are turning and I can find the happy, release the negative, and just wipe away whatever is happening. I am quite aware that little that I encounter matters a hoot. I am able, it seems, to tap into that feeling and release the care that might take me negativity.
I need to build this habit so it is routine and ever-present.
A quick stop on the way home at the Acme that is convenient. Appaently, we are rationing food these days. But riddle me this, Batman. If I can only purchase four pieces of fruit, what has Acme bundled the bananas with six bananas?
It would seem that one is forbidden from purchasing them.
Weird evening. Things have been going very well with me for some time now. The change is that I returned to work yesterday after four months off for my knee replacement surgery. That, however, cannot be the reason I began thinking about my failed marriage. Not certain how I arrived at that, but there I was pondering something.
For the record:
I have accepted that all that went wrong is ultimately my fault.
I have forgiven my ex-wife for any transgressions.
At some point after the above, I forgave myself. I have moved on.
But there I was today considering a few things all the while recommiting to the above.
It was then when something new revealed itself to me. My ex-wife never kissed me once we were married.
I would lean in for a kiss occasionally. She always turned and offered her cheek. Not once did she ever approach me and kiss me. Never provided a peck as she left the house or rolled over to go to sleep.
I never noted that before. It seems like that would be something that would stand out, yet no.
Oh, well. It won’t weigh me down. I just find it interesting that there is a revelation so long after the fact. That is all. Onward . . .
That was Mark Laita in his Koncrete interview. I like Leito and I am a fan of his interviews. He states over and over how he is nonjudgmental, yet he totally dismisses me with this throwaway line.
I have found throughout my life that lots of people do this.
Over and over I am marginalized. I have spent my life feeling as though I have no outlet for my voice. Is it any wonder that I have longed for community in my life? I’m 56 and still on the sidelines. It may even explain my adversity to risk. 😉
Yes, I am risk-adverse. I could lament being Willie Loman, but I don’t. I am happy. I have no rgrets. Perhaps things would have been different had I been riskier. But if I am happy now, what would have been the outcome of a different approach? Happier? Perhaps. Or maybe I wouldn’t have made it. Risk does not guarantee success.
Laita should be content to state that he takes risks and for him, that is the correct approach. Don’t attempt to belittle others for not being like you.
* Good listener * Good sense of humor * No mustache * Must be untried *Ralph: “Dummy, that means she has never been in court.”* (actually, Ralph, it means you’re a virgin–who’s the Potsie now?) * High school diploma OR equivalency. (Quitting school aint cool!) Woah!
The above list notwithstanding, my list would be:
wants to do things with me
I would think those would be the top three qualities. Sexy, clean, hygienic, kind, good at foot massages, thoughtful, and passionate are other traits that would be welcomed. 😉 Might as well throw in independently wealthy while I am living this fantasy.
In a loving relationship, I believe one is able to experience emotions he would not be able to access without the relationship. The two become one image is very much alive and well in such a relationship.
A relationship for the sake of being in a relationship seems senseless to me. Mutual respect is not present. Trust is not necessarily present. There is not that intimate bond that is present otherwise. Without that bond, access to the emotions such a relationship provide are blocked.