Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Meaning of Life

I look around and can’t help but feel I’m just one of the billions, trillions, etc. of people who have, are, or will ever live. That’s not too hard to imagine. What makes it worth living? Well, it’s not for the sake of others for if I were not here they would indeed go—happily. Well then, if it’s not for them then it must be for me. Life is worth living for me. I can accept that. But what does it mean that life is worth living for me? Does that mean that I should shape my life so only those things that make me happy occur (or I only recognize those things?)? This can’t be because to do this means I have to hurt people, and that would not always be pleasant to me. But where do I draw the line? How do I decide what is good for me and what I have to endure? I guess I should get right to the problem instead of disguising it under all this wide-scope philosophy. Dawn. Dawn is where my problem lies. Entangled in this is school and of course incorporated in that are my parents. Okay—let’s start.

I love Dawn—no denial there. However, what am I getting out of this relationship (not meant to sound selfish)? We have sex—no biggy. And I care about her a lot. But our relationship isn’t going anywhere. It’s neither of our faults. I think that it’s partially due to the environment—Muhlenberg. I mean what can actually happen here to really enhance a relationship? This is kind of a cop-out. Actually, deep down )as people say) there is an uneasiness. I’ve not paid attention to it before because it will hurt the happiness I’m enjoying now. But if not brought up I’m afraid it will cause extreme pain later. Now—to specifics. I’m afraid that she is not the girl that I want to be with for the rest of my life. The way things are going I think it will end up that I will be with her for a long time. I know the relationship has only been for two months, but I can tell what will happen. Back a little to make a clarification—why don’t I feel like Dawn is the girl I want to spend my life with? Well—I don’t think we understand and appreciate each other the way we should. Or if she does I don’t. What I want (and this will sound selfish, but to live I have to satisfy me first) is a girl who understands everything about me. I want her to like the music I like, who enjoys doing the things I like, who likes to party the way I do, who thinks like I do, who understands the things I do, and who understands the way I think. This is a hell of a lot to ask—I know that. And I also realize that I have never been able to reciprocate this—I have to be able to enjoy ad understand her. I feel there is a girl somewhere that I will be able to satisfy my needs and I hers. This won’t be hard for if she is able to enjoy and understand me then it will be easy to reciprocate for it will be doing what I want. This is a little confusing here. Let me see if I can explain this a bit more clearly. Simply, I feel there is a girl that when we’re together we’ll click. We will want to do the same things and we’ll understand each other perfectly. I don’t think Dawn and I are like this. We have fun, but we have gaps that can’t be filled. She doesn’t want to party like I do; she’s not as free-wheeling and spontaneous as I am. She shouldn’t be though. That is not how she is. I respect that. Next, I don’t think she understands me like I think the girl I want to be with should. Shortly, I am a person who is guided by the wants of parents (to be successful), my friends, and myself (who is a little in limbo—who doesn’t have just one goal. I want to be independent, married, adn care-free). All these things need to be understood by someone else. Dawn doesn’t understand these things. Why? I can’t answer; that’s how she si. I’m not blaming her. I haven’t met anybody who fully understands this besides myself. Steve B. is close. To sum this all up: Dawn and I don’t click the way I think I need to click with a girl I want to spend my life with. What am I going to do about, I’m not sure. Eventually we’ll break up. I don’t know—maybe I’m taking too much for granted. Maybe she isn’t looking at me as someone she wants to spend her life with, but I’m getting the feeling id I let the relationship go the way it’s going now that she’d expect something that I’ve just explained I couldn’t do.

Oh well, good luck.

Bob’s Fuck Tape

83-12 Bob's Fuck Tape

Once upon a time making mix tapes was a thing. 🙂 Oh, I made a lot of them.

This was my attempt at making a romantic tape. This might explain things. Ha! As I recall, I made copies for my friends. It seems to me Steve commented that it was very good.

The cover was designed by my mother. Yes, my mother. I believe it is a screen shot from Leisure Suit Larry. I have memories of making this at my sister‘s house in Rhode Island at Christmastime. The timeline doesn’t work s she didn’t live there in 1983, but it’s quite possible that the liner wasn’t made until a few years later.

Another Day, Another Flood

Frog Hollow Flooded

Every time it rained, it flooded.

This flood kept us home from school that day. I am not certain how Chris Kane and I hooked up that day, but I do remember the photographer instructing us to go look in the car. That was Mrs. Marcy’s car.

At some point, Cape May improved the sewer/pumping system. The pumping station was on Benton Avenue, the street behind us. I believe it was the first storm after everything was upgraded when the pumps did not go on. No, there was not an equipment failure. Rather, the one guy who had a key to the station was out of town. Eventually the door was opened and the pumps were ignited.

Life in the country’s oldest seaside resort. 😉