Tag Archives: Gert

Parenting During Divorce

Parenting during divorce sucks. The day-to-day isn’t shared with me. That’s tough, but it is what it is.

When a father finds out a major decision was made that he was unaware of, well, what recourse is there? None.

It began with an e-mail asking if I would take just my daughter this weekend as there has been stress at the house and it was thought that a break from Beetle would be good. That’s not a problem. I can understand that. I agreed.

Then came the text from Beetle asking if she could spend the night here tonight. I asked her what the issue was.

She called and began whining about her her mother doesn’t love her, embarrasses her, etc Then I heard about rules that were applied that my daughter did not care for. All typical teenager complaints. I played it cool.

Then came the kicker. My dear daughter spent the evening at her boyfriend’s house. I believe it was last evening, perhaps the evening before. Then I learned that her mother drove her for the sleepover.

I counseled Beetle that she was losing my support with this. She hung up the phone on me.

I can absolutely guarantee that if I still lived in the house that there would have been no sleepover. I guarantee that Gert’s father would not have approved a sleepover when Gert was in high school. I don’t know the new fiance, but I suspect he would not approve one of his daughters sleeping over a boyfriend’s house while they were in high school.

But there it is. I had no say. My ex-FIL had no say. Presumably, the new fiance had no say. The one who determined that is my ex-wife.

And she wonders why her daughter rebels when limits are set on another day. Sheesh . . .

She Never Kissed Me

Weird evening. Things have been going very well with me for some time now. The change is that I returned to work yesterday after four months off for my knee replacement surgery. That, however, cannot be the reason I began thinking about my failed marriage. Not certain how I arrived at that, but there I was pondering something.

For the record:

  • I have accepted that all that went wrong is ultimately my fault.
  • I have forgiven my ex-wife for any transgressions.
  • At some point after the above, I forgave myself. I have moved on.

But there I was today considering a few things all the while recommiting to the above.

It was then when something new revealed itself to me. My ex-wife never kissed me once we were married.

I would lean in for a kiss occasionally. She always turned and offered her cheek. Not once did she ever approach me and kiss me. Never provided a peck as she left the house or rolled over to go to sleep.

Never.

I never noted that before. It seems like that would be something that would stand out, yet no.

Oh, well. It won’t weigh me down. I just find it interesting that there is a revelation so long after the fact. That is all. Onward . . .

Won’t you help me share my load?

Little darlin’, come with me
Won’t you help me share my load
From the dark end of the street
To the bright side of the road

Van Morrison, Bright Side of the Road

My lifestyle provides little for the To-Do list. I like that. Even so, there is a task that has been ongoing for two years now. It deals with the divorce. Much like the divorce itself, this task is wholly out of my control, yet I am completely responsible for it.

Accountants, lawyers, courts, investors, and a mangement firm are all involved. Of course, I pay for it all.

I’ve hired all that needed to be hired to complete the task. I’ve been told what needs to be done and slowly have moved forward with getting those tasks done. All this moves slower than a snail.

Independent of me, my ex-wife has determined it will be done differently. Despite the people who actually have the money stating they will not release any money until the list of tasks are completed, pressure was applied this week (again while I was out of town) to complete this her way. My ex-wife produced a form for me to sign. She stated her financial people will wrap it up with this one form. My people said that will not release the money. More from my ex-wife that her guy has this in hand.

I signed the document. It is my way of clearing this task. The work now transfers to her. As I wrote her, I consider the matter closed.

I am a believer of taking care of business expediently. Some things can’t be by design. That I can remove this from my plate is wonderful. I wish Gert well in completing this task. We both agree to the outcome; it’s just working through the legal entanglements to make it occur. It’s a headache . . . but no longer my headache.

The Sound of Music

22-03-11 The Sound of Music

When it comes to theatre, I usually look for the theatre that has the best set of shows for the season. For 2022, that is the Broadway Theatre of Pitman. The first show of the season was Matilda. That was right out after my knee surgery, so I did not go to it. Tonight was The Sound of Music. While I am not a musical fan, this is my favorite musical. I will always go see this show. Admittedly, it’s been several years since I’ve seen it.

I was most impressed with this production. The acting was good. The girl who played Maria had a nice voice. The children were equally well-casted. It’s just a good version of this show.

Not certaint he children were quite as into as I. Fritz was enamored that there were huge swastikas.

It was a nice evening out. I note that my daughter, the one who is going to college in the fall for theater production, wanted to leave at intermission. She sucks when she’s tired. I suggested that she stage her productions as matinees. She didn’t understand. Sigh . . .

Proof

2018 Christmas Roses

A week before I was kicked out the door, I had given my wife two dozen roses for Valentine’s Day. I was told I was mind fucking her for doing so.

Later, after I knew we were getting a divorce, she scolded me for those flowers again. She told me that the last time I had given her flowers was when her mother had passed in April 2018.

Recently, I was browsing through some photographs looking for something. One photograph stood out, even though it had nothing to do with what I was looking for.

The above photograph was taken on Christmas Day, 2018.

It doesn’t matter. She didn’t like me. She didn’t want to be with me. But the justifications she used have all fallen apart.

Elf, the Musical

21-11-13 Elf, the Musical

Eighteen years ago the movie Elf was released. Funny! Will Ferrell, who can be irreverent, portrayed Buddy, the Elf perfectly. With an all-star cast around him (James Caan, Ed Asner, Mary Steenburgen, Jon Favreau, Peter Dinklage, and Peter Billingsley), this has become a modern Christmas classic. Santa’s coming!

This year, three theatres around us are staging Elf, the Musical. I gather someone wrote a play based on this movie. We went to see it at The Levoy tonight.

From the get-go, I found myself smiling. I have not been in the Christmas spirit yet this season; we haven’t even had Thanksgiving yet. There’s nothing special about this impending holiday. Yet, from the opening number I smiled.

There were lots of adult inside humor (Santa can’t use reindeer because of PETA, for example). I laughed throughout.

The guy who played Buddy, while not physically what one expected was downright perfect! He was so expressive, could sing well, and captured the exuberance of the character wonderfully. Pretty much the rest of the cast was held in the same stead.

Just good ol’ fashioned fun. Lots of audible laughter and guffawing from the crowd, including my children. This is a fun show, much like the movie is fun.

I am sure because of copyright issues, we didn’t get It’s Cold Outside. I looked forward to that as it is a highlight from the film for me. All the music was original. We also didn’t get Santa’s Coming, now that I think about it.

As expected, I leaned over to Fritz and told him I expected it would snow. It did. Lots. On us. It was wet. Very wet. And Santa flew in his sled! Oh, what fun!

Had a blast. I could easily see this being staged annually for the holidays. Just a fun evening out.

Micro Quest 27: High Score

21-10-16 Micro Quest 27: High Score

Objective:
High Score
Details:
1) Visit an arcade and play a pinball or arcade game.

2) Take a photo of your score (even if it isn’t a high score) and post it in our Facebook group! Alternatively, you can also share on Instagram or Twitter with the tag #QuestScouts.

After a big day in which Fritz had to play dutiful son/brother and having his event not materialize, he selected where we would eat tonight. We had to wait. What to do? Let’s hit an arcade!

The photographs do not show the full score. It was 21,500.

Supporting Your Spouse

After I was told we would divorce, someone on Facebook posted that my ex-wife was fake. This was the husband of a longtime friend of hers. I do not know what prompted the comment. Frankly, I don’t think she knew either. It bothered her and she sought advice from me, which I provided.

There were lots of things like that over two decades together. I was a sounding board for her troubles and questions. I did my best to comfort, answer, etc.

It didn’t work the other way around. I was told to “Be a man!” once when I asked her for help with something.

Before we broke up, I recall telling her that I felt alone. Anytime she had a problem or was bothered by something, she would bounce it off me or more frequently her family. Her family was always her parents, brothers, and sister. She did not consider her husband and children her family.

Meanwhile, I had no support system. She told me not to talk to her about my problems at work. I have no friends. I don’t talk to my mother or sister about stuff like this. I was expected to negotiate it all alone.

I was in Toastmasters for eight years. The vast majority of the speeches I delivered were given less than five minutes from our house. She never heard me speak.

In 2011 I was assaulted by the owner of the gym that we attended. Her response was, “I am not quitting the gym.” And she didn’t. She booked Fritz‘s birthday party there and made me play nice with my attacker for several hours.

During our marriage, I could never keep up with her in arguments. She would say things like, “Well, on Tuesday three months ago you said this and that,” and I would be so confused as to what we were arguing about that I could never logically respond.

More than a year after the divorce, I am seeing how messed up this relationship actually was.

I shared with her on numerous occasions that I always felt less than a man around her. It is the above that did that. I was expected to be there for her (understandably), but I was absolutely alone in our marriage as far as my thoughts and needs were concerned.

Dot . . . Dot . . . Dot . . .

21-10-03 Dot . . . Dot . . . Dot . . .

Sunday evening after a weekend with the children. Finishing up resetting the apartment. Bleached the bathroom, vacuumed, laundry, etc. . . . My daughter is a slob. I love her, but everything she touches becomes messy, marked, or otherwise dirty . . . Apparently she’s been giving her mother a difficult time. Every time we have a hand-off of the children, all I hear are complaints. There’s never any positive said about anything. Don’t miss that at all . . . Drove to Whitesbog today with Fritz. It’s been some time since I’ve been here. It used to be a regular visit . . . Pulled out a surprising win in Ticket to Ride . . . Got to hold Jacoby for a few minutes today. He liked me enthusiastically. I really miss the puppies . . . I feel as though I should be up for Father of the Year. Despite me not practicing Catholicism any longer, I attend mass thrice monthly so Fritz can serve as an altar boy. And I have now gotten my atheist daughter singing in the choir. I’m good . . .

Dance With Me

Dance with me
I want to be your partner
Can’t you see?

Johanna  & John Hall, Dance With Me

In the “Another Category of She Would Never Do Anything with Me”, I purchased Gert a dance lesson for Christmas one year.

Knowing Gert liked to dance and that I sucked at it, I thought we could take dance lessons together to get better. The idea was that by learning together we could go out to clubs on date nights and hold our own at weddings.

I purchased one dance lesson at The Arts of the Dance Centre in Vineland. My offer was for us to go and then decide on what ballroom dancing class to sign up for.

We did go to the one lesson. We never attended another. Gert didn’t want to dance with me.

I did try to come up with interesting gifts for her. She didn’t seem to care for them.